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|  Dhananjaya D R                   @/Blog   @/Software   @/Resume   @/Contact |
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Annoying corporate jargon
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(It amazes me how people can spew so much horseshit and not even say a damn 
thing. They ramble on and on for minutes to answer a simple yes or no question 
and still have no idea what answer they’re trying to give.)

[1] "Low hanging fruit" (I just think testicles every time I hear it.)

[2] "Circle back" (and pivot) (Ah! Pivaaaaht!) Hand in hand with "piggyback," 
    "bottom line," and "touch base." (Sword fight! It's imperative that you do 
    not touch "base" in any way, shape, or form!)

[3] “Let’s take this offline." (No, dude, let’s finish this now and stop 
    ignoring the problem(s).)

[4] “Wanna hop on a quick call?” or a “quick huddle.” Followed by "Can I share 
    my screen?" or even worse... "Share your screen." (Nope. Never fucking ever
    do I want that.) (“Can anyone see my screen?” “No, bruh. I can’t see it.” 
    (It’s because my eyes are closed.))

[5] "Let's put a pin in it." Only if it's my eye. And it gets me out of this 
    meeting.

[6] "Good morning!" (This is how I greet anyone the first time I message them 
    for the day. But damn, I don't know why this pisses me off so bad, but it's
    started making me really irritated lately. Maybe I'm rude, IDK. Come at me 
    with a good conversation, and I'll talk all day.)

[7] "Young, dynamic, and fast growing team." ("We're a startup with no idea what
    we're doing, so we hired these fresh out of uni kids who don't know what 
    they're doing, and this whole operation will go belly up in a few years when
    the investor money runs out.")
  
[8] When someone pings just to say “hi” and waits for my response. FUCKING GET 
    ON WITH IT.
  
[9] "Team", "ping", "We noticed you didn’t take the anonymous survey." 
    "take a more holistic approach," and many more...

[10] Last but not least "We're family." (No, you fucking aren’t.)

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